A totally new mentality....

Since last post A LOT has changed. And well wen i post... whether everyone knows it or not.. its becuz A LOT is on my mind. Its not me ranting about my day, thats just not my style. So here i am.. posting... read well... cuz if ur a long time reader of mine (AKA a FAN!!-LoL) then u'll know that i never quite say EXACTLY wats up. Its like a big riddle of wats going on :D again.. thats just my style. In ne case....

Like i said... since last post A LOT has changed. Unless u live in a hole u should know about my "2 girls" deilemna. (< spelling??). After tonite... i think things have been made up in my mind. I recieved a VERY interesting phone call tonite. It wasn't the usual "catching up" and seeing how eachother are doing... it was MUCH MUCH different. The "catching up" i recieved was pretty heavy. After hearing all the details my mind left me, and my heart dropped.

With one simple 30 minute phone call my feelings changed with a snap. I thought about everything i heard and i couldnt believe it. My good ol buddy Mark Santos would have thrown in a "i told u so man" if he were to hear this convo. Now dont everyone think this phone call was a "philip... its over" type-a phone call. Cuz wat girl in the rite mind would ever think about saying that to me?! :D j/k...(HEAVILY joking).

It was more like a realization. the story she told me didnt portray the girl i said i "loved" at one time or another. It showed me a girl i DIDNT know. That was the realization. I DONT KNOW HER. Play it off as i did... i realy dont. The words that came out stick in my mind. I still care about her dont get me wrong. I care about her unconditionally. But LIKING someone (no not LICKing) is different. And well those feelings have changed....

I guess our "best-friend" title should stand... and well thats wat i want now. No more "trying to make my move" crap. After tonite... it cant happen. And the next time i say shes coming over... i wont be receiving the "OOHHHH!!!!!" from the guys. cuz well... im saying "its over."

heh i remember sometime in early february... we were gettin all excited talking about "our" future. Saying we'd get a place together.. and blah blah all this. Each day after we said that, it slowly became apparent that it was nothing more than a dream... And thats wat she is to me now that i think about it. She was always just a dream... i was never suppose to catch her... it was like a "chase" that never ended...

This realization took WAAAAAAY to long. There was a huge casuality unfortunately. You know im sorry... my mind was jumbled... i didnt know wat to do. You know what we had/HAVE is real. Don't u second guess 4 a minute that im lying. In ne case ive ruined the trust with her... so that sux. But hey..after wat i put her through.. i deserve it...

With me heading off to college in a few months (holla back to my WSU boys ya dig!) whatever i have here... is well... nothing. Family is 4 ever... friends come and go. And with friends... so do relationships. I guess watever happens these days is only going to be left here.. its all about "having fun" again eh?


LoL i dont think many people ever understand my posts... cuz i still have people asking me later... "wait so wats going on with you and so and so".. haha. Gotta love that. NE ways... just wanted to say wat was on my mind... crazy stuff.... at least my head is on straight these days... well im out all.

Later.


posted by Philip at 12:29 AM